I have built a wall around my feelings for a very long time. I know it needs to be torn down. But what is on the other side scares me. Or is it taking each brick down that scares me? Each brick means facing something I am afraid to face. It means confrontation possibly with a loved one. I HATE confrontation.
However; I need to finish what I have started. I am at a loss right now. I had my birth parents who did not want me = no blessing. I was adopted by my Aunt and Uncle = no blessings their....Emotionally. As I sit here I tell myself to just suck it up. At least you had a roof over your head, and food to eat, and clothing to wear. Parents who took me to church and well, maybe did the best they could.....right?
What happens when someone misses the blessing? It depends on individual circumstances. I have become detached. "An old proverb says, "once burned, twice shy." I cut myself from all feelings. Well, how is this going to work as a wife, mother or friend? It doesn't. I need my heavenly Father to help me get through this. I am starting to see why I am the way I am. Resolution comes when we turn to our heavenly Father for His blessing and then learn to bless others. I pray that I will learn to accept my Fathers blessings.
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About Me
- Bobbie
- I have been married for 15 years, two girls, seven pets. I work daily doing what I love, taking care of animals (dogs and cats).
4 comments:
If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd finger paint more, and point the finger less.
I'd do less correcting, and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less, and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I'd run through more fields, and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging, and less tugging.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd teach less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.
Hey, Bobbie.
Don't know if you remember me, but I'm Tara Erwin (formerly Smith) from Greenville. Your sister, e-mailed me her blog sight which is how I ended up on yours.
I never knew about blogging until seeing Stacy's. Can I just tell you how amazing it is to read ya'll's(?) entries? It's really got me to thinking about doing this myself. Thank you for sharing.
As far as the blessings go - my brother, Jeff and I, had a rough time w/our dad then step-dad. But we were so fortunate to have an amazing mom. Sometimes I think that's why I want to try so hard to be supermom with my son. Unfortunately, mom was never in a healthy relationship, marriage-wise, so I'm having to stumble through that one all on my own. One thing I did learn, though, was how I DID NOT want my life to be. That's a good starting point I think.
- Tara
Tara,
It is great to hear from you. I did not realize the capacity of people this would reach. You are right, I have known how I have NOT wanted my life and the life of my family to be. This study is teaching me how I DO want it to be, and through God, I am making the blessing happen. It feels good. Thank you for writting.
i mean, writing.
:>
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