"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself." - Anna Quindlen Have a great day! |
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Quote
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Quote
"Happiness is different from pleasure. Happiness has something to do with struggling and enduring and accomplishing." I am still working on my relations with my parents. I will accomplish this. Life is good. I am HAPPY.
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Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Permission to be Angry
As an adult of toxic parents I have a difficult time with anger because I grew up in a family where emotional expression was not allowed. Anger was something only my parents had the privilege of displaying. So as an adult, I developed a high tolerance for mistreatment. I would bury my anger. I would hide it, push it away. I must be the one who was in the wrong...right? In the book I am reading "Toxic Parents" I am learning that I have "permission" to get angry. I have to give myself this permission. It is a part of what makes me human. No, I will not be ugly, no I will not be rejected. Yes, good, loving people do get angry.
So, how did anger come up when I am in the middle of my study of "The Blessing" you may ask. Because I was at the part where I am learning to bless my parents. I have anger when I think of my parents. I do not trust them. I have this problem of just wanting to push it all under a rug and going on with my life already. That is what I have done for the past 20 years, and here I am still suffering....it is time alright....for me to DEAL with this, and go on w/my life. I do not want to appear that I feel sorry for myself. I just have to do this. I have to. I want to be free from this hate, distrust and sadness. But I have to face it, get angry, grieve and then take responsibility for my life!
I am responsible for becoming a separate individual from my parents.
I am responsible for looking honestly at my relationship with them.
I am responsible for facing the truth about my childhood.
I am responsible for having the courage to acknowledge the connections between events of my childhood and my adult life.
I am responsible for gaining the courage to express my real feelings to them.
I am responsible for confronting my own behavior when it is cruel, hurtful, critical or manipulative.
I am responsible for finding the appropriate resources to help me heal my inner child.
I am responsible for reclaiming my adult power and confidence.
These are my goals, and I have to recognize that these items on my list will not happen overnight. As I work toward my goals, I will have setbacks, I will fall back on old behaviors and ways of thinking. My prayer is that I will not be discouraged and decide to pack it all in. This is a process, not perfection.
So, how did anger come up when I am in the middle of my study of "The Blessing" you may ask. Because I was at the part where I am learning to bless my parents. I have anger when I think of my parents. I do not trust them. I have this problem of just wanting to push it all under a rug and going on with my life already. That is what I have done for the past 20 years, and here I am still suffering....it is time alright....for me to DEAL with this, and go on w/my life. I do not want to appear that I feel sorry for myself. I just have to do this. I have to. I want to be free from this hate, distrust and sadness. But I have to face it, get angry, grieve and then take responsibility for my life!
I am responsible for becoming a separate individual from my parents.
I am responsible for looking honestly at my relationship with them.
I am responsible for facing the truth about my childhood.
I am responsible for having the courage to acknowledge the connections between events of my childhood and my adult life.
I am responsible for gaining the courage to express my real feelings to them.
I am responsible for confronting my own behavior when it is cruel, hurtful, critical or manipulative.
I am responsible for finding the appropriate resources to help me heal my inner child.
I am responsible for reclaiming my adult power and confidence.
These are my goals, and I have to recognize that these items on my list will not happen overnight. As I work toward my goals, I will have setbacks, I will fall back on old behaviors and ways of thinking. My prayer is that I will not be discouraged and decide to pack it all in. This is a process, not perfection.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Let's go tigers, lets go
Well, Brianna informed her coach today that she would be taking a little break from swim team. She told her coach that swimming is still her main sport, she just wanted to give cheering a chance. We had a swim board meeting tonight and her coach said "you and I need to talk." YIKES, but he is cool with it as long as she does mean what she says about coming back. He said as he gets into his 40's he would be going through a mid life crisis and having Brianna going to the Olympics would help him survive it. We shall see................
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Digging
I am not going to stop what I have started. I have done that way too often. I am reading the book, Toxic Parents right now. After reading some last night and this morning, I am hopeful that I may get to a point in my life that I am able to bless my parents. However; this is not going to happen overnight. I have a lot of emotions buried very deep, so I have to get digging, and sorting and dealing.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Toxic Parents
I am at the area of this study that I do not want to face. At all.
Who do we bless? Our Parents!!! I have a book on "my shelf" of books called "Toxic Parents"-Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life. I have read bits and pieces. I am not ready to bless my parents. I am not saying I do not want to get there, God has me here doing this for many reasons and this is one of them. Uuuughhh, this is where I usually put some bricks up and call it a night. Bless my parents. Bless my parents.
Well, lets see, do I start with my biological parents, or just go with my adoptive parents.......or both? My nose is literally crinkled right now in disgust. Lord please forgive me, I .........I do not know where to begin. I have written my birth mother off. After meeting her, and her feeding me a whole lot of lies, I have no use for her. My birth father, we are good. I was five when I was adopted. I will admit right now, I am thankful I was adopted, due to the circumstances. When I was adopted by my Aunt and Uncle, i was told that my daddy would be referred to as "Uncle Jack". Kinda confusing for a five year old.
About four years ago I had a little chit chat with my parents and told them that I was an adult now, and that I wanted to have my daddy in my life as my "daddy", they said they understood. I saw my dad not long after this conversation. After 25 years, he was able to hear his little girl call him "daddy" again. Oh the joy in his eyes, the smile on his face, I will never forget. This was a blessing for him.
It is going to take me some time to come to terms with my parents. I pray, and I ask for your prayers, that I can forgive my birth mom....i am scared, i need to take a break.
Who do we bless? Our Parents!!! I have a book on "my shelf" of books called "Toxic Parents"-Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life. I have read bits and pieces. I am not ready to bless my parents. I am not saying I do not want to get there, God has me here doing this for many reasons and this is one of them. Uuuughhh, this is where I usually put some bricks up and call it a night. Bless my parents. Bless my parents.
Well, lets see, do I start with my biological parents, or just go with my adoptive parents.......or both? My nose is literally crinkled right now in disgust. Lord please forgive me, I .........I do not know where to begin. I have written my birth mother off. After meeting her, and her feeding me a whole lot of lies, I have no use for her. My birth father, we are good. I was five when I was adopted. I will admit right now, I am thankful I was adopted, due to the circumstances. When I was adopted by my Aunt and Uncle, i was told that my daddy would be referred to as "Uncle Jack". Kinda confusing for a five year old.
About four years ago I had a little chit chat with my parents and told them that I was an adult now, and that I wanted to have my daddy in my life as my "daddy", they said they understood. I saw my dad not long after this conversation. After 25 years, he was able to hear his little girl call him "daddy" again. Oh the joy in his eyes, the smile on his face, I will never forget. This was a blessing for him.
It is going to take me some time to come to terms with my parents. I pray, and I ask for your prayers, that I can forgive my birth mom....i am scared, i need to take a break.
13 Years
Who do we bless? Our Spouse. We bless to build and restore relationships. If husband and wife become good at giving each other the blessing, then passing the blessing on to our children is that much easier.
When Santos I and were first married 13 years ago and differences arose between us, blessing him was definitely not my first thought. I tried other methods first such as arguing, ignoring, avoiding, debating, and of course the most popular silent treatment.
#1 Words - Yes, we have both used our share of "words". Not the good ones in most "bad" situations. We can use words like weapons to cripple or paralyze our partner, or we can use them to show acceptance (yes, we have a problem, lets work through this), unselfishness (yes, I was wrong), forgiveness (I am sorry, can we be friends again) and to say "I love you". This is not always easy, however; with prayer it is always possible.
#2 Touch - Hhmmmm. Well, no problems there. I used to. Like I have said before, I am not a "touchy, feely" person. As a lot of my close friends and family know, my marriage has not always been an easy road to travel. With a lot of prayer, my husband being baptized and my learning to be unselfish, I am the happiest I have ever been in my marriage. Oh, we still have our differences, but oh, that sweet, special touch, where he softly reaches out to touch my hand and says "lets not fight." We have a large recliner that seats two that we sit in together, always. I love it. As we are getting bigger in our years, we are sitting pretty close.
#3 Expressing High Value. My husband is good at expressing his high value of me. (again, it has taken some years to get here) I enjoy it when he says "house looks great honey", "mmmmm, something smells good, whatcha cooking", my favorite "are you losing weight?", another favorite "you are so good to us." I love putting notes in his suitcase when he travels, or when he has worked all day out in the yard, I make sure to tell him how nice it looks, great job.
#4 Picturing a Special Future. Santos has taken on several new accounts. The clients he is working with are not too happy with the company Santos works for due to the manager before him having these accounts did not take care of them properly. He has flown into a hornets nest. I ask him daily how he is doing. I express to him that he is one person, that he was given these accounts because management knew he had the gift and character traits that God can bless and use in his future. We have to stand beside our spouse and bless them with the positive attributes they have.
#5 An Active Commitment. This is only possible by obeying God, and prayer. There were a lot of times I wanted to throw the towel in. So, I decided to pray. I had to decide if I wanted my marriage to work. I had to believe that the part of our relationship that had been eaten away by pain, indifference, and selfishness could be restored. I committed to prayer daily for my husband, and for me.
When Santos I and were first married 13 years ago and differences arose between us, blessing him was definitely not my first thought. I tried other methods first such as arguing, ignoring, avoiding, debating, and of course the most popular silent treatment.
#1 Words - Yes, we have both used our share of "words". Not the good ones in most "bad" situations. We can use words like weapons to cripple or paralyze our partner, or we can use them to show acceptance (yes, we have a problem, lets work through this), unselfishness (yes, I was wrong), forgiveness (I am sorry, can we be friends again) and to say "I love you". This is not always easy, however; with prayer it is always possible.
#2 Touch - Hhmmmm. Well, no problems there. I used to. Like I have said before, I am not a "touchy, feely" person. As a lot of my close friends and family know, my marriage has not always been an easy road to travel. With a lot of prayer, my husband being baptized and my learning to be unselfish, I am the happiest I have ever been in my marriage. Oh, we still have our differences, but oh, that sweet, special touch, where he softly reaches out to touch my hand and says "lets not fight." We have a large recliner that seats two that we sit in together, always. I love it. As we are getting bigger in our years, we are sitting pretty close.
#3 Expressing High Value. My husband is good at expressing his high value of me. (again, it has taken some years to get here) I enjoy it when he says "house looks great honey", "mmmmm, something smells good, whatcha cooking", my favorite "are you losing weight?", another favorite "you are so good to us." I love putting notes in his suitcase when he travels, or when he has worked all day out in the yard, I make sure to tell him how nice it looks, great job.
#4 Picturing a Special Future. Santos has taken on several new accounts. The clients he is working with are not too happy with the company Santos works for due to the manager before him having these accounts did not take care of them properly. He has flown into a hornets nest. I ask him daily how he is doing. I express to him that he is one person, that he was given these accounts because management knew he had the gift and character traits that God can bless and use in his future. We have to stand beside our spouse and bless them with the positive attributes they have.
#5 An Active Commitment. This is only possible by obeying God, and prayer. There were a lot of times I wanted to throw the towel in. So, I decided to pray. I had to decide if I wanted my marriage to work. I had to believe that the part of our relationship that had been eaten away by pain, indifference, and selfishness could be restored. I committed to prayer daily for my husband, and for me.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Bot has been flushed down the toilet!!!!!!!
Okay, I never in a million years thought there was a definition for bot. But there IS!!!!!!!!!! Sorry guys, but I am not fly POOPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I never knew that has been what you guys have been calling me. YUCK!!! I looked it up just a little bit ago here it is
bot-the parasitic larva of a botfly found on animals.
Take it back, take it back right now. 20 years or not, I cannot be remembered as fly poop!!
New name needed.............
bot-the parasitic larva of a botfly found on animals.
Take it back, take it back right now. 20 years or not, I cannot be remembered as fly poop!!
New name needed.............
Giving the Blessing to Others
I have several more chapters to go through and I will not have as much time because I will soon be working, so as the girls are at school and husband at work, and doggies at my feet, and HGTV turned off, I will begin my next chapter.
Who do we bless? Our children. I have some of the elements of giving the blessing.
#1 Words: I will leave notes in my girls lunch box, backpacks, on their bathroom mirror, inside my daughters dictionary for school. I have a diary that I write in to my girls. Speaking of writing. The girls were fighting Saturday. It is getting worse as they get older. They both came running up to me yelling about what the other one did. I had had it. I said "what has happened to you two, you used to get along so well, I am so sad to see this happening." Brittani started to cry. She said "I don't know, we used to be so close." So I asked the two of them to write a letter to each other telling each other what they like about the other. They did. They made up. The letters brought tears to my eyes. No, I'm not sharing!!!
#2 Meaningful touch: yes I give them hugs and kisses at night and in the morning when they are off. But this is routine. Should there be more? Yes, I need to work on this one.
#3 Expressing High Value. I have this one taken care of, I love giving praise. The girls are very active on a swim team and are doing great. We attend all meets together, and they know how proud we are of them win or lose. They both make straight A's and are rewarded. I thank them both when their chores are done. I have no problem with praising.
#4 Picturing a special future: I am not sure I always do a good job here. Yes, I tell Brittani and Brianna that with their swimming this is an attribute that God can bless and use in the future. But, I am afraid I might have failed, maybe big. 13 months ago, Brittani came to me and said she wanted to be baptized. She was 10, almost 11. She had been going to a church summer camp everyday while we were at work. I said "I don't think you are ready!!!!!" Who am I to say if she was ready? I was baptized at a young age, for the wrong reasons. I was not ready. But I should not have dismissed her desire. God, is this why you have me here at this place in this study. I need to sit down and talk to my daughter TONIGHT. I need to spend time with her and Gods word. I need to picture a special future for my 12 year old.
#5 An active commitment: This element is a "kicker." It requires sticking with the program even when your child misbehaves or the person you're blessing disappoints you. Brianna is a very good swimmer. She is very fast and can go far with this talent. Yesterday, she said she wanted to stop swimming and go into cheerleading. (my mind is saying, What?, no, no, no, you don't understand, you can go to college...all paid for.) I said "honey, I love you, if this is really what you want....then you tell your coach." Practice is at 4:30, I'll let you know what happens.
Who do we bless? Our children. I have some of the elements of giving the blessing.
#1 Words: I will leave notes in my girls lunch box, backpacks, on their bathroom mirror, inside my daughters dictionary for school. I have a diary that I write in to my girls. Speaking of writing. The girls were fighting Saturday. It is getting worse as they get older. They both came running up to me yelling about what the other one did. I had had it. I said "what has happened to you two, you used to get along so well, I am so sad to see this happening." Brittani started to cry. She said "I don't know, we used to be so close." So I asked the two of them to write a letter to each other telling each other what they like about the other. They did. They made up. The letters brought tears to my eyes. No, I'm not sharing!!!
#2 Meaningful touch: yes I give them hugs and kisses at night and in the morning when they are off. But this is routine. Should there be more? Yes, I need to work on this one.
#3 Expressing High Value. I have this one taken care of, I love giving praise. The girls are very active on a swim team and are doing great. We attend all meets together, and they know how proud we are of them win or lose. They both make straight A's and are rewarded. I thank them both when their chores are done. I have no problem with praising.
#4 Picturing a special future: I am not sure I always do a good job here. Yes, I tell Brittani and Brianna that with their swimming this is an attribute that God can bless and use in the future. But, I am afraid I might have failed, maybe big. 13 months ago, Brittani came to me and said she wanted to be baptized. She was 10, almost 11. She had been going to a church summer camp everyday while we were at work. I said "I don't think you are ready!!!!!" Who am I to say if she was ready? I was baptized at a young age, for the wrong reasons. I was not ready. But I should not have dismissed her desire. God, is this why you have me here at this place in this study. I need to sit down and talk to my daughter TONIGHT. I need to spend time with her and Gods word. I need to picture a special future for my 12 year old.
#5 An active commitment: This element is a "kicker." It requires sticking with the program even when your child misbehaves or the person you're blessing disappoints you. Brianna is a very good swimmer. She is very fast and can go far with this talent. Yesterday, she said she wanted to stop swimming and go into cheerleading. (my mind is saying, What?, no, no, no, you don't understand, you can go to college...all paid for.) I said "honey, I love you, if this is really what you want....then you tell your coach." Practice is at 4:30, I'll let you know what happens.
Communication
Last Tuesday I was on the internet looking for an online bible study group. Did not find what I was looking for. So, I decided to just get to it myself. I have a bookshelf full of books on bible studies, marriage, children, happy homes, living for Christ.....as I walked to my shelf I asked God to guide me to the book that I needed in my life right now to help me be a better me. I closed my eyes and touched "The Blessing". I emailed my sister and asked her if she would hold me accountable during my study. She was more than happy to. Also, in the meantime, I decided to start a blog. So, I began my study, and I started "writing" notes. Then I thought, why don't I type my notes, then God stepped in and said, why don't you share this on your blog. Me....yeah right. I am not one to "share" who I am, and who I am not.
Someone wrote "you may have to show your weakness in order to get stronger". My weakness is "sharing" that I have a weakness, and I am getting stronger by the blog.
Someone wrote "you may have to show your weakness in order to get stronger". My weakness is "sharing" that I have a weakness, and I am getting stronger by the blog.
Quote
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Theodor Seuss Geisel
Theodor Seuss Geisel
Monday, August 15, 2005
The Wall
I have built a wall around my feelings for a very long time. I know it needs to be torn down. But what is on the other side scares me. Or is it taking each brick down that scares me? Each brick means facing something I am afraid to face. It means confrontation possibly with a loved one. I HATE confrontation.
However; I need to finish what I have started. I am at a loss right now. I had my birth parents who did not want me = no blessing. I was adopted by my Aunt and Uncle = no blessings their....Emotionally. As I sit here I tell myself to just suck it up. At least you had a roof over your head, and food to eat, and clothing to wear. Parents who took me to church and well, maybe did the best they could.....right?
What happens when someone misses the blessing? It depends on individual circumstances. I have become detached. "An old proverb says, "once burned, twice shy." I cut myself from all feelings. Well, how is this going to work as a wife, mother or friend? It doesn't. I need my heavenly Father to help me get through this. I am starting to see why I am the way I am. Resolution comes when we turn to our heavenly Father for His blessing and then learn to bless others. I pray that I will learn to accept my Fathers blessings.
However; I need to finish what I have started. I am at a loss right now. I had my birth parents who did not want me = no blessing. I was adopted by my Aunt and Uncle = no blessings their....Emotionally. As I sit here I tell myself to just suck it up. At least you had a roof over your head, and food to eat, and clothing to wear. Parents who took me to church and well, maybe did the best they could.....right?
What happens when someone misses the blessing? It depends on individual circumstances. I have become detached. "An old proverb says, "once burned, twice shy." I cut myself from all feelings. Well, how is this going to work as a wife, mother or friend? It doesn't. I need my heavenly Father to help me get through this. I am starting to see why I am the way I am. Resolution comes when we turn to our heavenly Father for His blessing and then learn to bless others. I pray that I will learn to accept my Fathers blessings.
Friday, August 12, 2005
The healing process
Santos returned today from a four day trip. He is exhausted and sleeping now. The girls are watching a movie, so I thought I would take the quiet opportunity to study.
Even as I am making an active commitment to carry out the blessing in other people's lives, I may have to learn to live without the blessings from curtain people. Learning to live without the blessing frees me to be all God would have me to be, loving others without needing them to fill a gap left by those I grew up with. The only way I am going to enjoy the blessing is through a relationship with Jesus Christ. God can provide a blessing I may have missed.
I do not want to be chained to my past, and I do not want to repeat the past. Often, parents who withhold the blessing lack the knowledge or skill to pass on the blessing. They do not lack love, they just do not know how to show it. I think that was my dad.
There are different types of homes that withhold the blessing.
First home is, one child is favored over the others. In a home that shows favoritism, none of the children come out winners. Obviously, those experiencing drought miss the blessing and feel anger and resentment as they watch it splash over the favorite. They long for a drop of attention.
Second home is, the Overcontroller. She says jump you ask how high, or she will make you feel so guilty.
Third home is, the blessing just out of reach. Never measuring up. Most children who grow up in this type of home will be lead into a never ending chase for their parents' blessing. In reaching for their acceptance, they often become workaholics.
My home as a child was, a blessing exchanged for a burden. In this home, a terrible transaction takes place. A child is coaxed by guilt or fear into giving up all rights to his or her goals and desires. Instead of living his or her own life, the child does what the parent demands. In return, the child gets a blessing that lasts until the next time the parent manipulates him or her to fulfill the parent's desires.
A blessing is something that is given, not something that needs to be earned. Like God's love, it is an act of unmerited favor and unconditional acceptance bestowed on a person of high value.
Home five, treading through emotional mine fields. Never knowing the temperament of a parent from one day to the next. One hour to the next.
Home six, unyielding family traditions. This is where parents reject or emotionally abandon their children if they fail to carry out the family tradition. Children who miss the blessing because they broke an iron-clad family tradition often feel emotionally bankrupt.
Home seven, receiving only part of the blessing. When I was four my mom left me. Then my dad.
I need to take some time with this area of my study. I pray that God will allow me to heal, and able me to forgive. Goodnight.
:(
Even as I am making an active commitment to carry out the blessing in other people's lives, I may have to learn to live without the blessings from curtain people. Learning to live without the blessing frees me to be all God would have me to be, loving others without needing them to fill a gap left by those I grew up with. The only way I am going to enjoy the blessing is through a relationship with Jesus Christ. God can provide a blessing I may have missed.
I do not want to be chained to my past, and I do not want to repeat the past. Often, parents who withhold the blessing lack the knowledge or skill to pass on the blessing. They do not lack love, they just do not know how to show it. I think that was my dad.
There are different types of homes that withhold the blessing.
First home is, one child is favored over the others. In a home that shows favoritism, none of the children come out winners. Obviously, those experiencing drought miss the blessing and feel anger and resentment as they watch it splash over the favorite. They long for a drop of attention.
Second home is, the Overcontroller. She says jump you ask how high, or she will make you feel so guilty.
Third home is, the blessing just out of reach. Never measuring up. Most children who grow up in this type of home will be lead into a never ending chase for their parents' blessing. In reaching for their acceptance, they often become workaholics.
My home as a child was, a blessing exchanged for a burden. In this home, a terrible transaction takes place. A child is coaxed by guilt or fear into giving up all rights to his or her goals and desires. Instead of living his or her own life, the child does what the parent demands. In return, the child gets a blessing that lasts until the next time the parent manipulates him or her to fulfill the parent's desires.
A blessing is something that is given, not something that needs to be earned. Like God's love, it is an act of unmerited favor and unconditional acceptance bestowed on a person of high value.
Home five, treading through emotional mine fields. Never knowing the temperament of a parent from one day to the next. One hour to the next.
Home six, unyielding family traditions. This is where parents reject or emotionally abandon their children if they fail to carry out the family tradition. Children who miss the blessing because they broke an iron-clad family tradition often feel emotionally bankrupt.
Home seven, receiving only part of the blessing. When I was four my mom left me. Then my dad.
I need to take some time with this area of my study. I pray that God will allow me to heal, and able me to forgive. Goodnight.
:(
3 simple words.....
I am not addicted to this blogging, I do have sort of a life...dishes, laundry, I just cannot get this thought, this story off of my mind. It goes with what I studied this morning and I have too much going....my dog is down stairs eating off of my lunch plate, I heard the fork hit the floor...be right back...so much for my chicken and rice. Anyway, I have to share this story. I have a good friend that I have known for 11 years. She and I can go 2 months, 6 months without talking and when we do we pick up right where we left off.
Well, it had been about 8 months since we had talked, and one day she called. She said "were back". "Back, back from where"? "Oh, we moved to Boston for six months, and I did not have the heart to call you and say goodbye". "I thought I would call you once we were there, but....." So we continued talking and I asked her what happened, why did they move. I knew her husband was from Boston and had always wanted to be near his father. My friend has always lived in TX. and only 15 minutes from her parents, so moving was not on the top of her list. She finally decided that she needed to do this for her husband. To give this a shot. It did not go well. They moved there and lived with his father while looking for a home. The great expectations her husband was expecting did not go the way he thought with his father. It was devastating for him.
They moved back, having to start all over. When they moved they had pulled their two children out of awesome schools, sold their beautiful home, he gave up his job as a chef at a fine hotel where she was in management. She started to cry, explaining how difficult it is to see her husband so depressed, both looking for jobs, a home. She said "Bobbie, the best thing that happened out of all of this is.......for the first time in all of my life, my mom told me the day that we were leaving for Boston, I LOVE YOU! " For the first time? She is 36 years old. My friend said this experience had all been worth it.
The power of three simple words.
Well, it had been about 8 months since we had talked, and one day she called. She said "were back". "Back, back from where"? "Oh, we moved to Boston for six months, and I did not have the heart to call you and say goodbye". "I thought I would call you once we were there, but....." So we continued talking and I asked her what happened, why did they move. I knew her husband was from Boston and had always wanted to be near his father. My friend has always lived in TX. and only 15 minutes from her parents, so moving was not on the top of her list. She finally decided that she needed to do this for her husband. To give this a shot. It did not go well. They moved there and lived with his father while looking for a home. The great expectations her husband was expecting did not go the way he thought with his father. It was devastating for him.
They moved back, having to start all over. When they moved they had pulled their two children out of awesome schools, sold their beautiful home, he gave up his job as a chef at a fine hotel where she was in management. She started to cry, explaining how difficult it is to see her husband so depressed, both looking for jobs, a home. She said "Bobbie, the best thing that happened out of all of this is.......for the first time in all of my life, my mom told me the day that we were leaving for Boston, I LOVE YOU! " For the first time? She is 36 years old. My friend said this experience had all been worth it.
The power of three simple words.
The Blessing
Blessings began with God. Gen. 1:27-28. In the Webster's Dictionary, bless means-To make holy, ask divine favor for, to make happy. I want to be happy, I want my family to be happy. I need to give them the honor and praise they need to have success, prosperity, and longevity. This is not always easy on a daily basis. I tend to see the negative first. In my defense I say I do this so as to lead them to do the right things, the right way. (Is this what I heard as a child?)But I often fail to praise them for when they have done the right things the right way. I think I see a pattern here, and this scares me.
I have a bad habit of listening with one ear. Meaning, when Brianna is talking to me, I tend to give her half of my attention. Then I end up asking her to repeat what she just told me. I need to really listen when others talk.
I have been planning to make the girls a batch of homemade cookies everyday since they started school on Monday. It is Friday. We can all give our blessing to our loved ones, friends, ourselves. It only takes knowing how to do it, the desire, and a commitment to express love and caring.
I recall receiving the blessing from my husband after giving birth to each of our girls. He expressed how proud he was of me, and how much he admired me for my strength. (24 hours of labor).
Here are five things I can do to give my blessing. 1. touch 2. words 3. express high value 4. picturing a special future 5. making an active commitment to seeing the blessing come to pass. I pray God will plant these five elements into my head and as I wake each morning I will act on each one of these in some way, for someone. Well I'm off.....to make my girls that batch of cookies.
I have a bad habit of listening with one ear. Meaning, when Brianna is talking to me, I tend to give her half of my attention. Then I end up asking her to repeat what she just told me. I need to really listen when others talk.
I have been planning to make the girls a batch of homemade cookies everyday since they started school on Monday. It is Friday. We can all give our blessing to our loved ones, friends, ourselves. It only takes knowing how to do it, the desire, and a commitment to express love and caring.
I recall receiving the blessing from my husband after giving birth to each of our girls. He expressed how proud he was of me, and how much he admired me for my strength. (24 hours of labor).
Here are five things I can do to give my blessing. 1. touch 2. words 3. express high value 4. picturing a special future 5. making an active commitment to seeing the blessing come to pass. I pray God will plant these five elements into my head and as I wake each morning I will act on each one of these in some way, for someone. Well I'm off.....to make my girls that batch of cookies.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
The Journey
This is my journey and thoughts as I begin my study of "The Blessing" by Gary Smalley & John Trent, PH.D.
We all long to be accepted by others. I want to be accepted by others. I have a fear of what people think, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of not measuring up, fear of fear itself. The lack of the blessing often has devastating effects in every area of our lives and and at all stages of our lives. Everyone needs to receive the blessing. I didn't. Meaning, i did not receive affirmation from my parents growing up. There was not alot warmth or affection.
Those who miss the blessing may struggle vainly to sustain or attain close relationships-with a spouse, children, friends, or even with their heavenly Father. That is the reason I am here now, so that as a mother, I can give the blessing to my children and as a wife, to have a positive, wholesome realationship with my husband and to find the blessing for myself and with my heavenly father.
I pray I will commit to this study. I always start something and never finish. Example: I have wanted to work on each room in our home to get it decorated and painted the way we want it, after finishing the dining room I moved on to the entertainment room and removed the old boarder around the room. I received my new boarder to go up.....but I am afraid of putting it up. I cannot get started on this room. I do not know what I am afriad of. Stacy, i know you will be here in October, so hopefully....the boarder you found for me will be up by then.
We all long to be accepted by others. I want to be accepted by others. I have a fear of what people think, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of not measuring up, fear of fear itself. The lack of the blessing often has devastating effects in every area of our lives and and at all stages of our lives. Everyone needs to receive the blessing. I didn't. Meaning, i did not receive affirmation from my parents growing up. There was not alot warmth or affection.
Those who miss the blessing may struggle vainly to sustain or attain close relationships-with a spouse, children, friends, or even with their heavenly Father. That is the reason I am here now, so that as a mother, I can give the blessing to my children and as a wife, to have a positive, wholesome realationship with my husband and to find the blessing for myself and with my heavenly father.
I pray I will commit to this study. I always start something and never finish. Example: I have wanted to work on each room in our home to get it decorated and painted the way we want it, after finishing the dining room I moved on to the entertainment room and removed the old boarder around the room. I received my new boarder to go up.....but I am afraid of putting it up. I cannot get started on this room. I do not know what I am afriad of. Stacy, i know you will be here in October, so hopefully....the boarder you found for me will be up by then.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
hello, hello, is anybody out there........
I have wanted to give blogging a try, and here I am, LOST. I do not know where this is going to show up. This is a test, this is only a test.....My family and I moved to TN not long ago, and i often feel lonely not knowing very many people yet, so I am always on the computer. I am always anxious to read other blogs, to see that there is life outside of our little world. So, here I am. I went to church this evening with the girls. Santos is out of town. I walked into class as it was starting..."Oh good" I thought, now I do not have to feel stupid waiting for someone to introduce themself. The lady teaching class started out by saing "I know this is the first time I have worn jeans to church, but...." and I froze....I am wearing jeans....I looked around and I and about three other ladies were wearing jeans out of about 50 ladies. Ok, am I going to hell? I do not get it? I have only three things that fit my bottom half...jeans and two pairs of capries (that were in the washer). As soon as class was over (I sat on the back row) I was outa there. I have made a few friends at church and am going on a Ladies Retreat. I hope I can at least wear p.j.'s to bed, and not my panty hose and skirt...........
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