To be or not to be.......

My profile "about me" explains that I want to be true to those around me. I am on that path now. I have not been entirely true to myself. I knew the truth, but was afraid to tell the truth. That I have not been happy for some time in my marriage. It is a very long story that takes us 15 years back, so I will not bore you.

I divorced myself from my heart many years ago, and made sure that it was covered completely with strong concrete so that nothing could get to it. My heart would be safe. I would be safe. It could still function. It could still beat, the concrete was stable enough for people to walk on, it could support up to so much weight on a daily basis. It would allow my girls to write on the concrete, play hopscotch. My heart inside loved to hear their voices, to know that they were close, but not touching. The concrete was strong enough for my husband to drive over it, peel out leaving marks of black tar, to do donuts for the heck of it, to get out and drop trash on.

My heart had been longing for something under this dark, but safe shield. Over time cracks began to appear, and some light would come through. My heart could feel the small bit of warm sunlight filtering through. It began to soften, and when the girls would come out to play, it longed to play too.

My heart has broken through the concrete and is ready to face the wind, the rain, the hail. My heart wants to reach out to others, to put a smile on a face that has had a frown for too long.

To be or not to be, that has been my question. I am ready to be.
to be:
free
happy
loved
loving
caring
supportive
leading
adventurous
honest
loyal
open
a friend
prayerful
faithful
obedient
a follower of God daily
to just be.......ME!